Remember when you were in third grade and someone did something stupid - you would perpendicularly slide your two index fingers together as you were whispering under your breathe "shame", "shame"? Well, I am doing that to myself as I have not make an entry in almost exactly a year. Where did the days go? Oh, I remember...doing life!!! Is that a lame excuse? No worries...I'm back and will be a bit more intentional THIS year. Three weeks into 2013, and I thought I'd introduce you to Rosey. Rosey is our new puppy...she is as cute as cute can be. A Havapoo...half Havanese and half Poodle...or if you prefer Poonese. Tomato or tomato...you choose. Let me tell you about our little dog...
Rosey is a lot like Jesus...she NEVER leaves me or forsakes me...and I mean never. If I go and wash the dishes she lays beside my feet on the rug as I wash. When I am working in my office...there she is curled up under my chair. When I go upstairs (there is a board that prevents her from going up, unless we let her.) she patiently sits at the base of the stairs looking longingly upwards until her "beloved" comes back down. And then when I return from my 3 minute absence - she jumps and flips with excitement as if I've been gone for weeks on holiday. Truly one can look at that as endearing or ridiculous...of course as her "beloved" I chose the former. If you were RR it only fuels the flame of jealousy he feels for her. Don't get me wrong...he likes her. But that's the point. He only likes her...I love her. Yes, I will admit, I love being the centre of her world. I love that fact that every morning when I come down the stairs she falls apart with enthusiasm as only a little puppy can. I love the fact that she can't begin her morning without loves and strokes and moments of endearments. I love the fact that I can understand those two big brown eyes that speak volumes to me. It's like...well... we get each other...and who doesn't love "being get"? She never complains, is always happy to see me and well, as corny as this sounds, makes me feel loved!
In some absurd, and I hope non - sacrilegious way, that't how I feel God sees me. He is ALWAYS glad to see me when I "return" to Him, He is ALWAYS pleased when I move towards Him, not so sure that He swirls in a dance for me, but I wouldn't put it past Him...cause I believe with all my heart, I am His beloved.
Truth be told...I need to be more like Rosey when it comes to my relationship with Jesus. It should be I who never leaves my Lord...following Him wherever He goes. In the mornings when I wake up...dance a jig, and enjoy moments of endearments with my Saviour.
As I write my thoughts down she is playing with her stuffy. It's a stuffed snowman she got for Christmas that squeaks when you push it's tummy. (Yes, I got her some Christmas gifts...if you press me I will admit I got her a Christmas stocking as well.) Rosey loves searching for the squeak and when she discovers it she bites and bites it over and over again. Then she throws it up in the air as if she is playing catch with an invisible someone. She tosses it in the air then with amazing patience stares at it as if in any second it will miraculously fly through the air back to her. I love it when she does that...it always makes me smile. She does it all the time and I still smile as if it is the first time I have seen her do that. Sometimes I feel like a Mom who is proud of her kid exclaiming..."Look at what my little one is doing....isn't she cute!?"
Again, I think that is how Abba looks at us. We do little things that put a smile on His face...all because He is in love with us. When we make hard choices to stand firm, keep still with our words, or courageously step out of our comfort zone for His Kingdom I believe that as a loving Dad...He heart is glad.
Dearest Abba...may I have the whimsy of Rosey and be ever so close to your heels wherever you take me.
From your Beloved,
Sue
Tuesday, 29 January 2013
Friday, 20 January 2012
Discouraged Today
I'm in a funk. I feel discouraged, down, disappointed...dare I say a bit depressed...go ahead and add any "D" word that applies. I'm house-bound by the snow and cold...I don't feel well with a runny nose, throbbing head and my old friend has come for a visit...lower back pain. I know I should rejoice in the Lord always...but honestly...I'm worn out. Emotionally, I feel like I'm hanging on by a thread, spiritually I am going through the motions out of obedience without "feeling" the "joy, joy, joy, joy deep in my heart"...I think it's a bit too deep for me to retreive at the moment. I know in my head, what I need to do...but, I'm just too plain exhausted. I want to crawl back in bed and go to sleep...but I trudge on...waiting till I have to pick the kids up from school and our routine begins again. Thank you Lord for the few hours of reprieve while all were gone this afternoon. I simply sat by the fire and read, talked to you, wrote in my 1000 gifts journal (yes, I DID find things I was thankful for and noticed your grace in spite of my mood.) But still this nagging returns. Lord I am weary. My body aches, my heart is heavy and my spirit needs a refueling.
I am trying to be more thankful in 2012. "And give thanks for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ." (Ephesians 5:20). I haven't even seen February yet...I'm flailing already. Really, everything? Thank you that we are entering year 4 concerning my broken back? Thank you for the distance I feel as I strive for continued emotional intimacy in my marriage? Thankful for my California family who makes no effort to connect?
Yes...Sue...in everything. Be thankful you can walk and not be in a wheel chair, or that you can see my beauty all around. Be thankful that I heard your prayers and gave you a Godly husband in which TOGETHER you see your great need for a Father who wants to conform you more and more to resemble my Son. Thank me that you have a family who when the rubber meets the road will be there if needed. But in all of this...I AM. I AM the only one you can depend on. I AM the one who will take your hand and walk with you through this life...and the next. I AM the one who will NEVER leave you or forsake you. I AM the only one who truly sees the depth of your heart and the longings of your will. I AM. I AM your today, I AM your rock in which you can stand. I AM your creator that knit you together in your Mothers womb. I AM your sufficiency. I AM. And I WILL always be there for you...
Thanks Jesus...I needed that.
I am trying to be more thankful in 2012. "And give thanks for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ." (Ephesians 5:20). I haven't even seen February yet...I'm flailing already. Really, everything? Thank you that we are entering year 4 concerning my broken back? Thank you for the distance I feel as I strive for continued emotional intimacy in my marriage? Thankful for my California family who makes no effort to connect?
Yes...Sue...in everything. Be thankful you can walk and not be in a wheel chair, or that you can see my beauty all around. Be thankful that I heard your prayers and gave you a Godly husband in which TOGETHER you see your great need for a Father who wants to conform you more and more to resemble my Son. Thank me that you have a family who when the rubber meets the road will be there if needed. But in all of this...I AM. I AM the only one you can depend on. I AM the one who will take your hand and walk with you through this life...and the next. I AM the one who will NEVER leave you or forsake you. I AM the only one who truly sees the depth of your heart and the longings of your will. I AM. I AM your today, I AM your rock in which you can stand. I AM your creator that knit you together in your Mothers womb. I AM your sufficiency. I AM. And I WILL always be there for you...
Thanks Jesus...I needed that.
Friday, 6 January 2012
Happy Epiphany
Today is Epiphany. It means the manifestations of God. It was the manifestation of Christ to the Gentiles as represented by the magi. A revelation! A deep awareness of something. Do we not want to experience the manifestation of God daily? Each day should be an epiphany as we have eyes to see that there is a grace of God everywhere.
Yesterday, there was a pocket of clear sky and I grabbed Rosey and went for a walk. I decided to go towards the village as the trail was too mucky, and I was too lazy to give Rosey a bath afterwards. So as I meandered through the street I noticed an elderly man struggling to walk. To step down from the sidewalk to the street looked like a herculian effort on his part. My heart felt for him as I wondered what he was feeling at the moment. I walked past him...but then my heart said, "go back and help him." So I turned around and approached him with my arm outstretched saying, "Do you need an arm?" He mumbled that he didn't want to hold me up," but I insisted saying, "I'm simply out for a walk with my dog." He grabbed my arm ever so tightly as we nearly crawled forward. He was lost. He was 91 years old and forgot where he parked his car. He was a dear. His name was John Andrew. He mentioned that I wasn't the only person who had helped him that day and that kind people lived here in Fort Langley. I readily agreed as we strolled along. He had to stop every five to seven steps to catch his breathe and as we inched our way forward he shared a bit. He had gone to the clinic to give blood. His wife had cancer. But her tumors were shrinking and he was giddy with hope for her. We paused again as he grabbed the light post to steady himself. As we scanned the street for his car, he continued, "I am the last remaining person alive that was on the first commision of Langley," he said with pride in his voice. "Wow, that's great," I said. Then under his breathe he added, "All the others are dead now." He was handsome at 91, and I am pretty sure he would have been terribly handsome in years past. He kept talking almost in a wishful and childlike manner, "who would have thought..." and then in a fatherly tone he commanded, "You stay healthy." I would have liked to know John Andrew in his prime. In hindsight, I wish I had asked him more questions, but at the time, I felt I just needed to listen. After locating his car, a jag, no less, he almost aplogized for his vehicle. I unlocked the car and helped him in. As he sat down he looked me square in the eyes and said, "I'll probably never see you again." in which I replied, "Well, it was good to meet you John Andrew", meaning it with all my heart.
Epiphany...thank you Lord for you gentle proding for me to turn around to be the hands of Jesus to a dear old soul. Those minutes were delightful. For a short moment I saw a man who loved his wife for more years than I have been alive. "A deep awareness of something,"- it only takes a small gesture to be kind to another. Perhaps it has he helping me versus me helping him. He reminded me to slow down. In a blink of an eye, that very well could be me walking down the streets of Fort Langley, confused, not knowing where I am going. Dear Jesus, may I see others as you do...may I never refuse to lend a hand, to be a listening ear, to guide another to where they need to go.
Thank you that you are my Shepherd, always desiring to lead us when we get lost, to point us to You when we are wandering. May we grab your hand that is ever outstretched towards us. Thank you dear, dear Saviour for manifesting yourself those many years ago...may I contintue to search for you, and see your grace in the big and small things of life.
I am grateful,
Sue
Yesterday, there was a pocket of clear sky and I grabbed Rosey and went for a walk. I decided to go towards the village as the trail was too mucky, and I was too lazy to give Rosey a bath afterwards. So as I meandered through the street I noticed an elderly man struggling to walk. To step down from the sidewalk to the street looked like a herculian effort on his part. My heart felt for him as I wondered what he was feeling at the moment. I walked past him...but then my heart said, "go back and help him." So I turned around and approached him with my arm outstretched saying, "Do you need an arm?" He mumbled that he didn't want to hold me up," but I insisted saying, "I'm simply out for a walk with my dog." He grabbed my arm ever so tightly as we nearly crawled forward. He was lost. He was 91 years old and forgot where he parked his car. He was a dear. His name was John Andrew. He mentioned that I wasn't the only person who had helped him that day and that kind people lived here in Fort Langley. I readily agreed as we strolled along. He had to stop every five to seven steps to catch his breathe and as we inched our way forward he shared a bit. He had gone to the clinic to give blood. His wife had cancer. But her tumors were shrinking and he was giddy with hope for her. We paused again as he grabbed the light post to steady himself. As we scanned the street for his car, he continued, "I am the last remaining person alive that was on the first commision of Langley," he said with pride in his voice. "Wow, that's great," I said. Then under his breathe he added, "All the others are dead now." He was handsome at 91, and I am pretty sure he would have been terribly handsome in years past. He kept talking almost in a wishful and childlike manner, "who would have thought..." and then in a fatherly tone he commanded, "You stay healthy." I would have liked to know John Andrew in his prime. In hindsight, I wish I had asked him more questions, but at the time, I felt I just needed to listen. After locating his car, a jag, no less, he almost aplogized for his vehicle. I unlocked the car and helped him in. As he sat down he looked me square in the eyes and said, "I'll probably never see you again." in which I replied, "Well, it was good to meet you John Andrew", meaning it with all my heart.
Epiphany...thank you Lord for you gentle proding for me to turn around to be the hands of Jesus to a dear old soul. Those minutes were delightful. For a short moment I saw a man who loved his wife for more years than I have been alive. "A deep awareness of something,"- it only takes a small gesture to be kind to another. Perhaps it has he helping me versus me helping him. He reminded me to slow down. In a blink of an eye, that very well could be me walking down the streets of Fort Langley, confused, not knowing where I am going. Dear Jesus, may I see others as you do...may I never refuse to lend a hand, to be a listening ear, to guide another to where they need to go.
Thank you that you are my Shepherd, always desiring to lead us when we get lost, to point us to You when we are wandering. May we grab your hand that is ever outstretched towards us. Thank you dear, dear Saviour for manifesting yourself those many years ago...may I contintue to search for you, and see your grace in the big and small things of life.
I am grateful,
Sue
Thursday, 5 January 2012
If You Could See What I See
All is quiet as I sit in my familiar rocking chair looking out of our front window...the sky is indescribable, blue sky (finally!) with brilliant clouds ever so slowly wisping by ..some forboding, some almost so bright you must squint to see. The tips of the trees peek through beyond the rooftops and an eagle glides across the landscape. If you could see what I see, your heart would be happy. A flock, (gaggle?) of Canada Geese are now traveling through in their V formation. If you could see what I see...I'm sure that is one of the thoughts the Father has towards us. "If you could see what I see",your anxiety about your future would diminish for you would see that I only have what is best for you. "If you could see what I see" your heart would be full of joy knowing that in only a short time you will experience my peace that is beyond your understanding. "If you could see what I see" you would realize that your time on this earth is a brief as a breathe and one day you will be safe in my arms. "If you could see what I see", you would laugh more and be more care-free. "If you could see what I see" your trust in Me would be your first thought not your last step.
Lord, Help me to see what you see. Give me your perspective in this thing we call life. May my eyes be open and heart softened to what matters to You.
I love you,
Your daughter Sue
Lord, Help me to see what you see. Give me your perspective in this thing we call life. May my eyes be open and heart softened to what matters to You.
I love you,
Your daughter Sue
Tuesday, 3 January 2012
Sigh...Having a great moment
Moments are all we have. We can look at time as a series of minutes passing by, or moments to embrace. This moment right now as I write is oh so sweet. Rosey, my adorable dog sits at my feet, my house is clean (Praise the Lord!), I'm sipping my favorite Black Current tea, a scented candle silently allows me to breathe in vanilla shortcake...fire burning, and best of all - it is still. There is a stillness that permeates to my bones. It is a welcome and ever needed moment. A moment that will be short lived, but embraced to the fullest. A quiet moment... a necessary moment for survival. For reminding me that life is full, and how desperate I need my Saviour.
Lord, it's in these times, when I need to refresh myself in your Presence. Remind me that your peace is not fleeting, but my portion at all times and in all circumstances. Teach me to hide in the secret of your Presence. Thank you that you are both for me and in me. That nothing surpises you. Thank you that you are my constant companion. Help me to be light of step and quick to listen to your promptings in my heart. Help me to not be weighed down with my problems and unresolved issues, but to eagerly lay them on your strong shoulders to carry. I willingly give them to you. Give me your confident peace as I go through my day.
Thank you for this moment. Thank you for your Spirit that resides in Me. Thank you that you are very present.
Enjoying this moment with you,
Sue
Lord, it's in these times, when I need to refresh myself in your Presence. Remind me that your peace is not fleeting, but my portion at all times and in all circumstances. Teach me to hide in the secret of your Presence. Thank you that you are both for me and in me. That nothing surpises you. Thank you that you are my constant companion. Help me to be light of step and quick to listen to your promptings in my heart. Help me to not be weighed down with my problems and unresolved issues, but to eagerly lay them on your strong shoulders to carry. I willingly give them to you. Give me your confident peace as I go through my day.
Thank you for this moment. Thank you for your Spirit that resides in Me. Thank you that you are very present.
Enjoying this moment with you,
Sue
Sunday, 1 January 2012
I Love New Beginings
Well, it's January 1st, 2012...the time that most attempt to change something(s) in their lives and I am no exception. There are so many things I would like to do differently in 2012...to be slow to speak and quick to listen, to be more care free and easy going with my kids and husband, to not stress over the little things like cleaning up after my kids for the thousandth time, and to TRY to blog everyday as my journal. I have greatly enjoyed the devotional book, Jesus Calling by Sarah Young which reads as if Jesus is talking straight to you...what my blog will consist of is my response to Jesus in those daily writings. These are not intended for anyone to see but me and Jesus...but if others do, may they encourage your heart.
Lord, give me a teachable spirit that focuses on becoming more like You this coming year. If I am totally honest with myself, I truly do not think that I am maturing in grace and truth...but how badly I want to. I desire to rest in you, to know you, to love you, to be like you, but I fail miserably. I desperately need you to help me not cling to my old ways, but to let go of those thing that hinder my growth.
Thank you that you see me with a steady eye, that you know and accept me fully and understand me completely. Thank you so much that your plans for me are to prosper me and not to harm me, plans to give me a HOPE and a future. I give myself fully to you today...
I love that my middle name is HOPE. It reminds me that my hope is in you...and that I am hopeless a part from you. Keep me grounded today. I love you Jesus...
Your daughter,
Sue
Lord, give me a teachable spirit that focuses on becoming more like You this coming year. If I am totally honest with myself, I truly do not think that I am maturing in grace and truth...but how badly I want to. I desire to rest in you, to know you, to love you, to be like you, but I fail miserably. I desperately need you to help me not cling to my old ways, but to let go of those thing that hinder my growth.
Thank you that you see me with a steady eye, that you know and accept me fully and understand me completely. Thank you so much that your plans for me are to prosper me and not to harm me, plans to give me a HOPE and a future. I give myself fully to you today...
I love that my middle name is HOPE. It reminds me that my hope is in you...and that I am hopeless a part from you. Keep me grounded today. I love you Jesus...
Your daughter,
Sue
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