Discouraged Today

I'm in a funk.  I feel discouraged, down, disappointed...dare I say a bit depressed...go ahead and add any "D" word that applies.  I'm house-bound by the snow and cold...I don't feel well with a runny nose, throbbing head and my old friend has come for a visit...lower back pain.  I know I should rejoice in the Lord always...but honestly...I'm worn out.  Emotionally, I feel like I'm hanging on by a thread, spiritually I am going through the motions out of obedience without "feeling" the "joy, joy, joy, joy deep in my heart"...I think it's a bit too deep for me to retreive at the moment.  I know in my head, what I need to do...but, I'm just too plain exhausted.  I want to crawl back in bed and go to sleep...but I trudge on...waiting till I have to pick the kids up from school and our routine begins again.  Thank you Lord for the few hours of reprieve while all were gone this afternoon. I simply sat by the fire and read, talked to you, wrote in my 1000 gifts journal (yes, I DID find things I was thankful for and noticed your grace in spite of my mood.) But still this nagging returns.  Lord I am weary.  My body aches, my heart is heavy and my spirit needs a refueling. 

I am trying to be more thankful in 2012.  "And give thanks for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ."  (Ephesians 5:20).  I haven't even seen February yet...I'm flailing already. Really, everything?  Thank you that we are entering year 4 concerning my broken back?  Thank you for the distance I feel as I strive for continued emotional intimacy in my marriage?  Thankful for my California family who makes no effort to connect?

Yes...Sue...in everything.  Be thankful you can walk and not be in a wheel chair, or that you can see my beauty all around.  Be thankful that I heard your prayers and gave you a Godly husband in which TOGETHER you see your great need for a Father who wants to conform you more and more to resemble my Son.  Thank me that you have a family who when the rubber meets the road will be there if needed.  But in all of this...I AM.  I AM the only one you can depend on.  I AM the one who will take your hand and walk with you through this life...and the next.  I AM the one who will NEVER leave you or forsake you.  I AM the only one who truly sees the depth of your heart and the longings of your will.  I AM.  I AM your today, I AM your rock in which you can stand.  I AM your creator that knit you together in your Mothers womb.  I AM your sufficiency.  I AM.  And I WILL always be there for you...

Thanks Jesus...I needed that.